ࡱ> ܥhc e|nxnxxqxqxqxqxqDqqqqqq.q$q{as(Fs(nsnsnsnswzP{{{{{{{E|X|L{xq{0nsns{{{{xqxqnss{{{{xqnsxqns{pQqqxqxqxqxq{{{{FRIENDS OF THE PLEISTOCENE SONGBOOK September, 2003 issue Alphabetical Song List TOC \o "1-3"  All Those Gophers 16 At The Fop 1 Ballad Of The Friends Of The Pleistocene 36 Blowin In The Wind 43 Buy A Backhoe 14 Call Me Doctor 7 Carver And Burke 33 Cosmogenesis 32 Cover Of The GSA 28 Dear Rockwell 13 Death Valley Dreamin' 52 Dixie 54 Dust In The Wind (Preliminary Draft) 17 Fault-Scarp Ridin' Cowboy 39 Faulty Logic 25 Field Mappin Man 10-11 Fish Medley 50 FOP Digging Song 5 FOP on the Run 49 Gimme That Ole Time Geology 30 Go Bennie Go 9 Go Glacier Go 3 High-Resolution Climatic Humility 34 If I Had a Backhoe 51 If I Had A Hammer 38 It Was A Very Good Year 37 Job Market Blues 27 Meetings 6 Missing Lakeshores 12 Nora 44 Old and Blown Away - song for the Bishop Tuff 47 On The Playa 40 One Ton Of Guano 24 Ostracode's Garden 53 Pedo San Antone 19 Rennie's Song 31 Roll on Missoula 46 Saprolite 4 Somewhere Over The Threshold 26 Stop In The Name Of Rigor 29 Tephra 22 The Aku Song 45 The Av Lament 21 The Ballad Of Owens Lake 41 The climate is a-changin' 48 The Glaciers Back (and theres gonna be trouble) 23 The Soil Circle Game 18 The Soil Down The Hall (From Mary) 20 The Truncated Field Trip 8 Trench Across The Fault Tonight 35 Trona 15 Wonderful World 4 Zzyzx Black Ops 42  Not Exactly Chronological Song List  TOC \o "1-3"  At The Fop 1 Go Glacier Go 3 Wonderful World 4 Saprolite 4 FOP Digging Song 5 Meetings 6 Call Me Doctor 7 The Truncated Field Trip 8 Go Bennie Go 9 Field Mappin Man 10-11 Missing Lakeshores 12 Dear Rockwell 13 Buy A Backhoe 14 Trona 15 All Those Gophers 16 Dust In The Wind (Preliminary Draft) 17 The (Soil) Circle Game 18 Pedo San Antone 19 The Soil Down The Hall (From Mary) 20 The Av Lament 21 Tephra 22 The Glaciers Back (and theres gonna be trouble) 23 One Ton Of Guano 24 Faulty Logic 25 Somewhere Over The Threshold 26 Job Market Blues 27 Cover Of The GSA 28 Stop In The Name Of Rigor 29 Gimme That Ole Time Geology 30 Rennie's Song 31 Cosmogenesis 32 Carver And Burke 33 High-Resolution Climatic Humility 34 Trench Across The Fault Tonight 35 Ballad Of The Friends Of The Pleistocene 36 It Was A Very Good Year 37 If I Had A Hammer 38 Fault-Scarp Ridin' Cowboy 39 On The Playa 40 The Ballad Of Owens Lake 41 Zzyzx Black Ops 42 Blowin In The Wind 43 Nora 44 The Aku Song 45 Roll on Missoula 46 Old and Blown Away - song for the Bishop Tuff 47 The climate is a-changin' 48 FOP on the Run 49 Fish Medley 50 If I Had a Backhoe 51 Death Valley Dreamin' 52 Ostracode's Garden 53 Dixie 54  At The Fop By Marith Reheis and Scott Stine Written as an all-FOP song [add new verses if desired] at the 1987 Pacific FOP trip to the northern Lahontan desert To the tune of At the Hop Chorus lead-in of chords, ending with At the FOP! 1. You can dig it, you can squeeze it, you can sample it and freeze it at the FOP When the night comes down, theres a fire to stand around at the FOP. Its a place where we can be crazy at the FOP. Chorus Lets go to the FOP, you can party (or argue) till you drop, Then to the ground you flop, but the drinking doesnt stop. Well come on, lets go to the FOP! 2. You can core it, you can bake it, you can demagnetize and shake it at the FOP. You can microprobe the ashes and get electric flashes at the FOP. You can run a seismic line and measure all the fines at the FOP 3a. (1987 Pacific FOP, Lake Lahontan) Its a shitter, its a puker, its a pisser, its a doozer at the FOP. When the porta-potty passes, its emitting killing gases at the FOP. If it werent for the beer, wed never come near it at the FOP. 3b. (1987 Rocky Mountain FOP, Sangre de Cristos and Espanola Basin) You can sample carbonate for a hypothetic date at the FOP. And compare it to the rate that the stuff accumulates at the FOP. Use it all for calibration of the desert-varnish ratio at the FOP. (alternate last line) Use it all to calibrate the tectonic uplift rate at the FOP. 3c. (1989 Rocky Mountain FOP, Wind River Range) You can loot at all the till, till youve more than had your fill at the FOP. The stratigraphys so plain you can see it through the rain, dont complain at the FOP. But youll pass up all the crops cause theres never time to stop at the FOP. 4. As the leader of the FOP, you can tell em bout the crop that was there ten years ago. In the middle of haranguing, you can tell em bout yardanging at the FOP. You can armwave, bullshit, you can goll-gee-whizzit at the FOP. Chorus of chords, ending with At the FOP (additional verses from Pacific NW cell): You can pit it, you can tent it, you can climb it, you can cave it, Enchantment Rock. You can break it, you can blast it, or edynamite its axes on Balanced Rock! Uptown it isnt there, can you find it anywhere, Luckenbock. Is it eluvial, illuvial, alluvial, colluvial at the FOP? Whats the age, whats the stage, is it on the next page at the FOP? Is it pedogenic calcite or groundwater calcite at the FOP? Is it lus, is it Loess, is it less, is it more, at the FOP? Is it 3, is it 4, is it five, are there more at the FOP? Was Neil really stuck in that goldern muck at the FOP? You can grind it, you can screen it, you can keep it, you can toss it at the FOP. You can wash it, you can sift it, you can mark it with a pen at the FOP. We saw Paleoloma, dont laugh its Jomama at the FOP. Is it ash, is it ash, is it ash, is it ash at the FOP? Did it fill a buffalo wallow, did it cap the Ogallala at the FOP? Is it pedogenic carbonate or just something that Phil ate at the FOP? Go Glacier Go By John Pitlick To the tune of Johnny B. Goode 1. Way in Canada where it sure gets cold The glaciers started up and began to grow They grew so big they started moving along And you can see where theyve been even though theyre gone They grew so big that they couldnt stay So they flowed right down to the USA Chorus Go, go, go glacier go, etc. Glacier be cold. 2. Well the Indians saw them coming straight out of the hills And they knew if that old man glacier he would give em the chills So they hightailed down to where it never snows And you can see em on the beaches down in Mexico So old man glacier was all alone and blue And carving up the hillsides was the best he could do. Chorus 3. Now the customs at the border didnt treat him nice They didnt like him smugglin rocks down in his ice They took him in the back and they made him strip And they looked up his crevasse but they didnt find shit So he took off for Olympia as fast as he could go But he missed the noon ferry to Winslow Chorus Wonderful World By Marith Reheis, Jennifer Harden, Bob Hale, and Alan Gillespie Written for the 1985 Penrose conference on paleoclimactic indicators Inspired by Peter Patton To the tune of Wonderful World 1. Dont know much about geology, dont know much about climatology, Dont know much about the talks I heard, dont know much about a woodrats turd. But I do know that I am right, and youll believe me if youre not uptight. What a wonderful world this will be. 2. Dont know much about paper shale, dont know much about a delta halo. Dont know much about nothin at all, must have been all the alcohol. But I do know that I am right, and if you think that my storys tight, What a wonderful world this will be. Break: Now I dont claim to be a real expert, but Im tryin to be, Cause maybe by bein a real expert, baby, NSF will give its grants to me. Repeat 1. Saprolite By Marith Reheis and Dorinda Gilmore Written for Dr. Hursts class in saprolite mapping, University of Georgia, 1972 To the tune of Baby Face 1. Saprolite, youve got the cutest little saprolite The freshest rock could never take your place, diabase, Looking at your anatexis gets me in the solar plexus. Saprolite, I get a thrill when I see your pegmatite. I didnt need a shove cause I just fell in love with your pretty little saprolite. 2. Biotite gneiss has float thats different from amphibolite. Theres not a fresh outcrop that you can trust, let it rust, Mapping schist at speeds of thirty keeps your clothes from getting dirty. Hornblende gneiss, how can you tell it from a pseudodiorite? Pretty little sapra, how I love to map ya, pretty little saprolite! FOP Digging Song By E.J. Cushing and C.L. Match, University of Minnesota Presented at field trip for 1972 GSA Annual Meeting in Minneapolis) Tune is obvious Were Friends of the Pleistocene Damn little ice weve seen; Listen and well tell you why: The glaciers retreated The lakes are depleted The temperatures risen too high! Weve till and weve gravel Our problems unravel When stones oriented we see. Weve eskers and kames And various names To apply to glacial debris. Weve loess and weve spoils Which add to our toils, Weve lakes and weve peat bogs to bore. With Quercus and Fagus And Pinus to plague us The pollen we cannot ignore. So, were Friends of the Pleistocene Where geologys nice and clean Granites and faults we decry Instead of petrology On carbon chronology And climactic change we rely. Meetings By Jennifer Harden, Alan Gillespie, and Bob Hale Sung to the tune of My Favorite Things 1. Sitting in chairs and picking our noses, Cracking our knuckles and wiggling our toes-es, Flapping our arms when its our turn to speak, My argument seems so pitifully weak. Sleeping through sessions and crossing out knees, Waking up only to backstab colleagues, Slandering friends and flattering foes, There are a few things that make my heart glow. Chorus When Im shown up, when Im put down, when I look like a fool, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I just feel so COOL. 2. Ripping off rivals and publishing quickly, Others ideas I package so sickly, Only my deans and my publishers know This is the way that my stature grows. Feigning great interest in others equations Without understanding the whole situation Missing the point and feeling quite glum Frankly Id rather be sucking my thumb. Chorus Call Me Doctor Written about John Reed in an old D.C. Pick and Hammer Show Chorus Everybody loves a doctor, thats why Im in love with me, Call me doctor, call me doctor, And when every you address me, dont forget the Ph.D., Call me doctor, call me doctor. Cause Im just a little better than the average man could ever hope to be. So in grateful recognition all you lesser mortals can Call me doctor, thats me! 1. Though Im hardly any smarter than I was when I was ten, Call me doctor, call me doctor, I have organized my ignorance with pencil and with pen, Call me doctor, call me doctor. Now my dissertations finished and theyve granted my degree, its there for all to see. I feel so ever so important since I have my Ph.D., Call me doctor, thats me. 2. Had a philosophic conversation just the other day, Call me doctor, call me doctor, With the man who picks my garbage up and hauls it all away, Call me doctor, call me doctor. And I found that he had doctorates from Stanford and Yale, Cal Tech and MIT, And it gave him lots of comfort when his buddies at the dump Called him doctor you see! 3. Now the neighbors had a baby and Ill tell you what they did. Call me doctor, call me doctor, For they argued over names to call their darling little kid, Call me doctor, call me doctor, Well they finally named him Doctor and it ended all strife, theyre happy as can be, It will save the kid some trouble as he makes his way through life, Hell be a doctor like me. Last Chorus Same as first to last line Call me Doctor thats me, boys, call me doctor thats me! The Truncated Field Trip By Dave Weide Written for the 1986 Pacific FOP, southern Death Valley To the tune of Camptown Races 1. Avawatz rocks they sing this song, TRUNCATE, TRUNCATE, Chopped right off by a Garlock prong, theyve all gone away. Theyve all gone away, thats what Brady say, Avawatz rocks was here and gone, left just yesterday. 2. Death Valley fault zone five mile wide, TRUNCATE, TRUNCATE, So many problems Bennie cant hide, they wont go away. They wont go away no matter what he say. Death Valley fault zone five miles wide, moved just yesterday. 3. Butlers rocks are rolled up too, TRUNCATE, TRUNCATE, Amargosas cut em through, wish theyd go away. Wish theyd go away, down Badwater way. Ply-ass-tow-scene is so messed up, make old Pauls hair turn gray. 4. Weve been here for three days now, TRUNCATE, TRUNCATE, These three guys have told us how, now theyre goin away. Now theyre goin away, leave us here to pray That next years trip will be as good and well see you all someday Go Bennie Go By Marith Reheis Written for 1986 Pacific FOP, southern Death Valley To the tune of Johnny B. Goode 1. Way up in Napa valley where the grapevines grow There lives an old geologist that we all know. Hes mapped around the desert nearly all of his life, He never could have done it if it werent for his wife. Geologist keep comin from miles around To see him drawing lines and walk that ground, Chorus Go, Go! Go, Bennie, go! Go, Go! Go, Bennie, go! Go, Go! Go, Bennie, go! Go, Go! Go, Bennie, go! Go-oh-oh-oh-oh, Bennie map on! 2. Along with Lauren Wright hes a field mappin man And now he is the leader of a big old band. Theyre rollin cross the desert chanting FAULTS OR BUST You can see em comin by the cloud of dust. One and all are singing I saw the light, Please, Bennie, map on tonight! Chorus Field Mappin Man By Dave Weide, 1979 To the tune, obviously, John Henry l. When John Henry was a little freshman, well he went to M.I.T. And his Mammy said if you want to get ahead, Better study geology (yes yes), better study geology. 2. Well John Henry he enrolled in structure, paleo and stratigraphy, But he flunked pchem and calculus, Said "Geophysics be the death of me (Lord Lord), geophysics be the death of me." 3. Well he finally got him a Masters, followed that with a Ph.D. Then he up and went to Menlo Park Sayin' "What can you make of me (USGS), what can you make of me?" 4. Well they told John Henry out in Menlo, the Test Site is the place for you, Shufflin' papers all day in a bureaucratic way Writin'. reports and memos too (Good Grief), writin' reports and memos too. 5. Slowly, with drive Poor John Henry he went down to Reston with his rock hammer in his hand. Sayin' "Director wont you listen to me? Lordy, I want to be a mappin man (Yes Yes), I want to be a mappin man." 6. So they sent John Henry west to Golden, hired him on in the C.R.G. And the Branch Chief say "You'll map a quad a day, If you're goin to work for me (Pray, Pray), if you're goin' to work for me. 7. Well John Henry he was a mapin, and his hammer was flashin' light. Mapped thirtytwo quads for the B.L.M. And he did it in a day and a night (lord lord), he did it in a day and a night. 8. Well the Branch Chief he said to John Henry, "I'm gonna bring me a plotter roundl" Maps a two degree sheet in an hour and a half, It'll map you right into the ground (Poor Boy), it'll map you right into the ground. 9. Well the plotter started into mappin', lord the models they really flew. But John Henry mapped till his pencil melted down Sayin' "Field work I'll be true to you,(oh yes), field work I'll be true to YOU." 10. Now the man. who invented the plotter, lord he thought he was mighty fine. But Johnny he mapped out sixteen quads, While the plotter it only did nine (my my), the plotter it only did nine, 11. Slowly, with feeling Well they laid John Henry on the outcrop, and he looked at them and said, "I'm a field mappin' man and that's for sure." Then he fell across his hammer dead (Good Lord), he fell across his hammer dead. 12. So they carried John Henry back to Reston and buried him neath the sand. And the Geologic Chief come a strollin by Sayin' "There lies a field mappin' man (oh yes), there lies a field mappin man. Missing Lakeshores By Doug Burbank, Alan Gillespie, and Jennifer Harden Written on the 1985 Pacific FOP trip to alleged Pleistocene lakes To the tune of Poison Ivy 1. He's been searching for those lake shores, those mythical lake shores. He's been searching like a hound for pebbles that should be semiround. Chorus Missing lake shores, missing lake shores, Every night while you're sleeping, those waves come acreeping At your tent floor or or or or or. 2. Nobody knows how big it grows, but everybody knows That great Mojave River will set your mind all aquiver. Chorus Break Fans they may be lumpy, and playas make you grumpy. Paleosols may make you jump and twitch. Carbonates may fool ya, and ashfalls they may cool ya, But Lord, those missing lakeshores are a bitch. 3. You're gonna need an ocean ofwater in commotion, You'll be searching like a hound, but we think they may never be found. Chorus Dear Rockwell By Doug Burbank and Marith Reheis Written for the 1990 Pacific FOP to the Salton Trough area To the tune of Dear Abby 1. Dear Rockwell, dear Rockwell, your segment's too long, The offsets are backwards and the slips are all wrong. The Elsinore fault zone is really a thrust, And your next published paper just may be a bust. Signed, A Skeptic Dear Skeptic , dear Skeptic, your head's in the ground, Get your ass into gear, take a good look around. My faults may be backwards, but that's really OK, The GS won't notice, they'll continue to pay. Signed, Tom Rockwell. 2. Dear Rockwell, dear Rockwell, this patinas a joke. You're salting your outcrops for ignorant folk. The calcic horizons are all flushed away, If it's really argillic, why is there no clay? Signed, Pedantic. Pedantic, Pedantic, you hit the nail on the head. We varnished those clasts and we painted them red. We tagged all the fault lines to show the offset, And the students dug notches on each faulted arete. Signed, Contractor. 3. FOP Leader, FOP Leader, we have a complaint. You said there was blacktop and there clearly ain't. There's been no tequila, and we think it's damn queer That you're pounding sodas while we're drinking beer. Signed, Too Sober. Too Sober, Too Sober, you have no complaint, That stuff isnt beer, it's the leftover paint. The blacktop was solid from here to the fault, But it's paved with dead fishes instead of asphalt. Signed, FOP Leader. Buy A Backhoe Written by Marith Reheis in honor of Bud Burke, 1989 To the tune Hire a Wino INTRO: Came crawlin' in last night, like so many nights before. Finally made it to my feet, as she opened up the door, And she said, "You're not gonna do this any more." Chorus She said, "I'm gonna buy a backhoe to excavate your holes, So you won't have to break your back to see those silly soils. We'll take out a second mortgage and put a lab along that wall, And electric cords will point the way to the computer down the hall. " 1. She said, "We'll hire some gungho students to insert hydraulic shores. With an airgun they can clean the face while you sit back and snore. Then you'll describe the profile while they hang on every word, But be careful not to talk too long or you will sound absurd." 2. She said, "Just bring those monthly paychecks, and Ill use em up right here, We'll open a new bank account to buy laboratory gear. We'll have computerdriven pipettes so you won't have to guess, And a superheated autoclave to clean up all the mess. We'll have a dozen lab assistants who will jump at your command. They'll WalkleyBlack and Chitteick, and shake down all the sand. They'll probe, diffract, and titrate, and when they're all through, Theyll computerize and analyze and interpret it for you. Trona By Jennifer Harden, John Tinsley, and Alan Gillespie To the tune Dona, Dona 1. In a playa, far from clean air, there run two factories With exotic salts processed from the lake come the deadly, retching smells. All the winds are stinking, their stink a deathly blight. They stink and stink the whole day through and then all through the night. Chorus Trona trona trona trona, trona trona trona trona Trona trona trona trona, trona trona trona trona 2. "Stop complaining," said the mogul, "Who said you'd have air to breathe? As we plunder for a profit you inhale the price of greed." All the winds are stinking, their stink a deathly blight. They stink and stink the whole day through and then all through the night. Chorus All Those Gophers Written by David Seymour for the spring 1989 FOP to the California Transverse Ranges To the tune All My Loving 1. Close your eyes and you'll hear them, but oh, don't you fear them, They're digging the soil just like you, Oh, but don't look away, your B's on top of A, And the stone line is covered with poo. Chorus All those gophers, see what they can do. All those gophers, destroying what you knew, 2. Close your eyes but don't listen to what that guy been pissing, That soil's not 6000 years old! Oh but don't look away, the A horizon they say Was mixed by three gophers today, I'll pretend that I'm seeing three terraces you're saying Are divided into a, b, and c. Frazier Mountain thrust they say can be all explained away by landslides and a gopher or two. Tag: All those gophers, all thosegophers, all those gophers destroying what you knew. Dust In The Wind (Preliminary Draft) By the San Diego State University Quaternary class of 1987 1. I closed my eyes, only for a moment of graded time, The rock weathers away, and all that remains is translocated clay, Chorus And all it leaves is dust in the wind, eolian dust in the wind, 2. Down to the C, the carbonates are leached out totally, It dissolves away only to become a stage IV K. 3. Gile and Hawley would approve, and so would Marith Reheis and her dust traps too. 4. If only we knew the influx rate, We could produce a realistic date, 5. We calculate horizon numbers for an index no one really understands, To date soil profiles and correlate deposits across the land. The (Soil) Circle Game By Marith Reheis Written for Pete Birkeland's roast in honor of the 1988 Kirk Bryan Award To the tune of The Circle Game 1. Yesterday a boy came out to wander, joined the Army, skied down hills and played. What to do next? He began to wonder, but first he had to raise his failing grades. 2. At Stanford he began to do his research, followed then by Berkeley on the bay. Mackin, Arkley, and Jenny made his mind work and the Mustang Ranch and Truckee made his day Chorus And the lab work, it goes round and round and the soil pits, they go down and down, The more data we collect, the less we know. We can't stand up, but our friends will keep us from falling in the flames, And we'll pass the beer around in the circle game. 3. Then the man went on to Boulder by the Rockies, gathered students round him by the score. Used their research and his own to write a textbook, and cursed the NSF for leaving him poor. Chorus 4. Now the students are dispersing with their bible. The gospel, Soils and Geomorph they tell. While Pete does global studies on a cycle, and tells the NSF to go to hell. Chorus Pedo San Antone By Richard Griffin Written for the 1988 International Working Meeting of Soil Micromorphology in San Antonio To the tune of Sloop John B I. We came to San Antone, for just about a week or so, All around St. Mary s we did roam Discussing silt loams and complex rhizomes, Yeah, we feel so polished we wanna go home. Chorus So get out the microscopes, thats enough about isotopes, We don't want more refried beans and corn. We like pedojargon, so just leave it alone. Yeah, we feel vosepic, and we wanna go home. 2. We took one look at the acronym, IWISM, It sounded like the right password to us. So don't make a fuss, just get on that bus, Yeah, we feel so quantified we wanna go home. 3. So we'll take our little brown bags and stuff them with technical mags, And grimly stay at the meetings from eight until dawn, Then stroll back to the dorm, our cutans are worn, Yeah, we feel so crystic, we wanna go home. The Soil Down The Hall (From Mary) By Milan Pavich Written for the 1987 Penrose Conference on paleosols in sedimentary rocks To the tune of Wouldn't It Be Loverly All I need is a woodland green, far away from the Pleistocene, With peds and thick Bt, O wouldnt it be loverly? Lots of ash making lots of A, lots of bugs translocating clay, Cutans of red and grey, O wouldn't it be loverly? I would wait for a rooting tree, the vertisols would all envy me. I'd have a neverending B, O wouldn't I be loverly? O, so loverly sittin' absobuuminlootly still, I would wait till Birkeland came and sampled me with his skill. Then I'd be in the GSA or even Paleopedologia, But most importantly I'd be down the hall from Mary, Mary, Mary, Mary, Id be down the hall from Mary. The Av Lament By Marith Reheis Written at 1987 Pacific FOP trip to the northern Lahontan desert, on the occasion of being roasted by Fred Peterson To the tune of Mama Tried 1. First thing I remember knowin was the silt and clay a-blowin, And I thought that I was growin up to hide Neath a pavement in the sun, never havin any fun, Then the scientists they started takin sides. 2. Springer said its really neat how vesicles form in the heat, Expanding gases make those little holes. Miller said thats full of shit, capillarity forms those pits, And it doesnt matter if its hot or cold. Chorus Is it heat or is it water that forms my vesicles? Well, Peterson, he lectured and he tried, yes he tried, Lord he tried to teach them better, but his teachings they decried, That leaves only them to blame cause Freddy tried. 3. First you wet that silty ground, and it percolates on down, My little air-filled pores are sucking hard. The smallest pores are mostly stressed, and they move and coalesce, Then drying leaves me massive, pocked and scarred. Chorus Tephra By Marith Reheis Written for the 1990 INQUA Conference on Tephrochronology in Yellowstone To the tune of Freight Train Tephra, tephra, blowing so fast; tephra, tephra, volcanic ash. Wish I knew how old it is, guess I need a chronologist. First well try the chemistry. Majors and rare earths are the key. Eruptive source they might locate if Im lucky too, a date. Why do magmas evolve so slow? Age of ash we still dont know. Forget refraction and shard shape. Too old for a carbon date. So a smorgasbord of methods we try. The spread of dates would make you cry: Thermoluminescence, ESR, laser fusion, K-Ar. Fission-track dating made us curse, polarity data is even worse: Its somewhere in the Pleistocene, or maybe Pliocene. Tephra, tephra, blowing so fast; tephra, tephra, volcanic ash. Wish I knew how old it is, guess I need a chronologist. The Glaciers Back (and theres gonna be trouble) By the Bunkhouse Gang, Fish Lake Valley, February 1991 To the tune of My Boyfriends Back 1. The glaciers back and theres gonna be trouble, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. The CO2 went up, but it didnt quite double, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. Hey, its gonna be freezin! Hey were gonna do some skiin! 2. Glaciers been gone for such a long time, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. Now its back and thingsll be fine, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. Hey, its not the younger Dryas! Hey, were drowning in the playas! Break: Why would the models tell so many lies? Ah-oo, ah-oo. They'll say "Hit the beaches" while there's blizzards in the skies. Ah-oo -- Wait and see! 3. We're lost in our data, not looking out the window, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. Computer says it's warm and it's never gonna snow, Hey la, hey la, the glacier's back. Don't need computer simulation, we got climatic degradation. Break: 4. They modeled for carbon and they modeled for storm tracks, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. Expanded all the freeways and filled all the smokestacks, Hey la, hey la, the climate changed. Hey, we wrecked the carbon cycle! From my nose, there's hanging an icicle! Hey la, hey la, the glacier's back! One Ton Of Guano By Warren Hoeman, winner of the 1980 Cave Ballad Contest, National Spelological Society Convention. 1. Guanos noches, Senora Could I please have refresco? I come from deep in caverna, Where my amigos wait rescue; Across the guano we stealing, When we got stinking feeling. . . Chorus One tone of guano, I feel like one ton of guano, One ton of guano, I feel like on ton of guano. 2. One of our loco compadres, Was a Norte 'mericano, And to show he tough hombre, We enter room full of guano, Because he thought it was macho, We land in bat-shit gazpacho. . . 3. Adios, my senora, Thank you for the kind favor, Pardon, please, my aroma, For I'm no longer a caver; I knew I'd come to my limit, When they asked me swim it. Faulty Logic By Dave Seymour South-Central Coast of California FOP Trip, 1990 To the tune of Girl from Ipanema Dark and gray and wet and stormy, What do you want from California? In the valley of bears, the raccoons say, ah-h-h Strand lines sway across the fault zone, Embayment length is just one unknown, Harden indices don't work, and you just say, ah-h-h Chorus Ohh. . .you hope we believe you, But how. . . . . . do your faults really move? Yes. . . . . .the uplifts might prove, But now that you've put it in print, How can we call it bull ____? Retro-de-form-a-ble cross sections, I hope you made some good assumptions, Just look at your graphics, they make me say, ah-h-h! Chorus Somewhere Over The Threshold By Janet Sowers and K. Vincent 1985 FOP Trip To the tune of Somewhere Over The Rainbow Somewhere over the threshold Streamlets braid, Making multiple channels, At least sometimes, anyway. Somewhere over the threshold, Hillslopes fail; We think "pore water pressure" Makes too complex a tale. Somewhere over the threshold, Fans entrench; It's a "complex response;" (These terms make it all make sense.) Somewhere over the threshold Big rocks move; There's a "critical shear stress" People still try to prove. We stand upon the mountaintop And gaze down to the hills and streams eroding; Where forces build and build and build Until they reach the point where they Begin thresholding . . . Somewhere over the threshold Equilibrium is at bay; Positive feedback overcame it, So it swang the other way. Somewhere over the threshold Hills look strange; We have no good explanation, Must be climatic change. Somewhere over the threshold Ivory towers shine; It built their reputations; Why, O why not mine? Job Market Blues U.C. Berkeley Santa Barbara's Day 1983 To the tune of Hey, Look Me Over Hey, future employer, I'm over here! Fresh out of grad school, in debit up to my ears; But I've got potential, so I'm not depressed; They say the job market is looking up, as long as I'm not picky-- I could map toxic waste dumps, sampling the pits, Teach junior college way out in the sticks; Free lance consulting won't pay the bills; If only the Survey were hiring, I'd make enough to ear-- And I've got no publications, three in the pipes, Qualifications don't look very nice; I'm a little bit short on experience, but let me get me some, And look out world, here I come! Cover Of The GSA Lyrics by Rick Ford, Greg Martinez, John Pickle, and Steve Sares -- written on the long drive from Albuquerque to the first meeting of the AGFG in Pinedale, Wyoming To the tune of Cover of the Rolling Stone Hey G.K. -- Tell him who we are! Well we're big geomorphers, we've got Golden trowels and we're loved everywhere we go, We sing about process and we sing about form For ten measly dollars a show. We've measured all kinds of rills, It gives us all kinds of thrills, But the thrill we cannot say, Is the thrill that'll get ya' When you get your picture On the cover of the G.S.A. Chorus G.S.A. --Gonna see my picture on the cover G.S.A.-- Gonna buy five copies for my mother G.S.A. --Gonna see my smiling face On the cover of the G.S.A. (on the cover of the G.S.A.) We study incision with our stereo vision Till our eyes streak 10R HUES. And we've measured drainage nets Till we felt those topo blues. We've quantified cirques Till we've gone berserk. But we're feeling no dismay-- Cause the thrill it'll get ya' When you get your picture On the cover of the G.S.A. Chorus We've got a freaky professor --call him soil molester-- Who drags us 'round the land We see things all around us Like a cambic B in the sand Call us "dirt geologists," it won't bother us, We don't give a damn today. Cause the name that we'll have us And the fame that we'll grab us On the cover of the G.S.A. Chorus Stop In The Name Of Rigor U.C. Berkeley Santa Barbara's Day 1983 To the tune Stop in the Name of Love STOP!! In the name of Rigor Before you draft that figure Baby, baby, I'm aware of where you go Each time you leave the lab I watch you going down to your locker Knowing that you're going out to play soccer This time before you walk out that door Leaving me with my modal amount Think it over (I've been good to you) Think it over (So sweet to you) STOP!! In the name of Rigor Before you draft that figure STOP!! In the name of Rigor Before you draft that figure Think it over, Think it over Before you publish that absurd interpretation Stop and think if it could hurt our reputation So, get back there in the lab and keep cranking So next time we can improve our ranking This time before you walk out that door Leaving me with my modal amount Think it over (I've been good to you) Think it over (So sweet to you) STOP!! In the name of Rigor Before you draft that figure STOP!! In the name of Rigor Before you draft that figure Think it over, Think it over Before you model that thermal perturbation Don't you think you should consider it's duration All other science is so Micky Mousian 'Cause it doesn't fit a curve that's Gaussian STOP!! In the name of Rigor Before you draft that figure--STOP!! Gimme That Ole Time Geology U.C. Berkeley's Santa Barbara's Day 1983 To the tune of Gimme That Old Time Religion Gimme that ole time Geology, Gimme that ole time Geology Gimme that ole time Geology, That's good enough for me. Bring back the Brunton compass, Forget the pH rumpus What's good enough for______, That's good enough for me. Gimme that ole time mapping, I'm tired of test tube tapping What's good enough for Clyde, Is good enough for me. Out with smelly experimentals, And partial differentials "If you can add," said Lawson, "That's good enough for me." Where's that ole-time Geochem fone, Who cares about Gibbs and Boltzmann? It was good enough for Goldschmidt, And it's good enough for me. Gimme that old time Petrology, Without that Probe Technology It was good enough for Gilbert, And it's good enough for me. Gimme those ole hand specimens, Without Weissenberg and Precision It was good enough for Adolph, And its good enough for me. Gimme that ole time Geomorphology, Without pipe flow hydrology It was good enough for Davis, And it's good enough for me. Gimme that ole time seismology, No new wave propagation technology If it's good enough for Bruce Bolt, It's good enough for me. Gimme that ole time slide rule, You know it's from the old school It's good enough for Luna, And it's good enough for me. Gimme heat flow perturbations, Without computerizations It was good to John Verhoogen, And it's good enough for me. Gimme those ole basic studies, And profs that are your buddies But not researching fuddies, To hell with entropy. Rennie's Song Written by Marith Reheis and Doug Rennie on the dust-trap rounds, 1988 and 1989 Original tune Sing a song, I want you all to sing along, Sing a song that Rennie wrote in the field with me. He loved beer, hot springs with friends far and near, And the music that we made, singing harmony. Doug would dance in the moonlight or broad light of day, He'd be there any time to help or to play. Fireworks in the evening or coffee in bed, He would keep us all in stitches with the things that he said, like-- "Desert air, gotta drink a lot of beer, Keeps you in your sleeping bag when the morning comes. Tarantulas, they are mighty treacherous, Crawl into your hiking boots while you're catching Zs." Rennie loved bright moonlight or broad light of day, And he loathed the stinking desert (or so he would say). Fireworks in the evening, or coffee in bed, He would keep us all in stitches with the things that he said, like-- "Scorpions, when you camp upon their dens, Crawl into your sleeping bag while you're collecting dust. Mojave greens, something that I've never seen, But I see them in my dreams, keeps me up all night, so Desert air, gotta drink a lot of beer, Keeps you in your sleeping bag when the morning comes." Cosmogenesis By Milan Pavich; written for the 1990 Penrose Conference Obvious tune O beautiful for polished rock, for surfaces pristine, For all the brilliant physicists whose equations are so clean. The helium, beryllium, chlorine and varnish too, We'll date the rind, we'll date it blind, and publish all we find. The lichen and the varnish grow, the surfaces erode, But we will scoop and we will pluck the carbon we control. The helium, beryllium, chlorine and varnish too, But soils will yield the final truth and we can all go home. Carver And Burke By Alan Gillespie and Marith Reheis Written for the post-earthquake 1992 Pacific FOP, Humboldt County To the tune of Bonnie and Clyde, segue to Acres of Clams Carver and Burke are independent thinkers and famous beer drinkers--they are not like us. Carver and Burke, they teach a lot of classes, take contracts from jackasses--not at all like us. One day at the FOP, they had a little too much to drink. They lost the capacity to think very clear, agreed to lead a field trip next year. So Carver and Burke selected Triple Junction in hopes that seismic function would soon begin. In that expectation, they were not disappointed, an earthquake soon disjointed rocks at Mendocin. (break for four counts) But we're here to tell the truth about this fairy tale: The devil found that their souls were for sale, and cut them a discount deal. Because of this bargain they made with the devil, The shoreline was unleveled where the clam beds lay. Acres of clams, gasping in the moonlight, Not morally correct, but that's the price they paid. (segue to Acres of Clams) Exposing acres of clams, of clams, exposing acres of clams, Their reprehensible bargains have murdered acres of clams. They used to be honest geologists, they liked to dig holes and pound rocks, But they bargained to be great tectonicists, with models inside a black box. With models inside a black box, with models inside a black box, They bargained to be great tectonicists with models inside a black box. On moving up to Humboldt weather, pedantic existence they sought, But the beer and the rain mixed together, afflicting their brains with rot. Afflicting their brains with rot, with rot, afflicting their brains with rot. The beer and the rain mixed together, afflicting their brains with rot. In the prophecies they have been making, a magnitude nine would be best, But we think they are probably faking, and we hope they won't make such a mess-- With millions of acres of clams, dead clams, with millions of acres of clams, Their reprehensible bargains would murder millions of clams. And they're stinking to high heaven! High-Resolution Climatic Humility By Marith Reheis Written for 1992 AMQUA meeting, Davis, California To the tune of Bonnie and Clyde Climatic change is very complicated, We shouldn't overrate the records that we find. Signal to noise, how can we calibrate it? The bumps and troughs of climate may be just our minds. Carbon dates can be interpreted in so many ways, The time crossings leave your mind in a daze, And stratigraphy that's clearly crazed. Tree-rings are great if it's wet enough to grow 'em, The squiggles that they show for radiocarbon time. Ice cores and varves are steady as Gibraltar, Chronologies don't falter-- most of the time. But when drainages change or the icy polar winds blow, Those errors creep in and you never will know Lacking other dates to tell you so. Loess is OK for cycles that are glacial, But magnetic source of signal is a mystery. Speleothems and corals are attractive, Who cares about the dates? Field work's an ecstasy. Glaciers advance and retreat when they bloody well please. Interpreting permafrost's a relative breeze-- Records extent to which Canadians freeze. High resolution records are so tricky, But global change is icky--so we try. Trench Across The Fault Tonight Words by Janet Sowers and Gary Simpson 1994 FOP Trip, San Francisco Bay Area To the tune of Rock Around the Clock Tonight One, two, three meter, four meter trench, Five, six, seven meter, eight meter trench, Nine, tem, eleven meter, twelve meter trench, We're gonna trench across the fault tonight! Got to find those fault plane slicks, Four or five, or six events; Chorus We're gonna trench across the fault tonight, We're gonna trench, trench, trench, trench 'till the broad daylight, We're gonna trench, gonna trench across the fault tonight. Does it truncate Qt2? Yeah, trench log changes red to blue; A piercing point would wrap it up Dave's got one at every stop; Plot those vectors nose to tail, Got some extra slip for sale? What the heck's that lineament? Just a photo fig-a-ment; Ballad Of The Friends Of The Pleistocene By Gerry Osborn, Eric Karlstrom, and Anonymous To the tune My Little Buttercup Chorus We're Friends of the Pleistocene, damn little ice we've seen, Listen and I'll tell you why... The ice has retreated, the lakes have depleted, The temperature's risen too high. 1. We've rocks and we've gravels, our mysteries unravel, a mammoth-sized job you can see... With eskers and kames and plenty of names to apply to the glacial debris. 2. We dig in the mud and we sift through the crud, we search through the grassland and scrub.. Some work on the bones and some work on the stones, some work in the Faculty Club. 3. We captured the essence of thermoluminescence, at carbon-fourteen we're quite fit, But if all we can find is a weathering rind, then we'll hang the whole story on it. (CANQUA 1982 verses) 4. Now CANQUA's in session to serve our profession, all sorts of ideas we'll concoct. We'll hear all the news about climatic clues, and then we'll all go and get crocked. 5. Our President Bill (Mahaney) has I guess had his fill of hosting the annual spree. He put the cork on the meetings at York and that's why we're in Lethbridge you see. (GSA Flagstaff 1986 verses) 6. In Flagstaff we're meeting, our colleagues we're greeting, to probe an arroyo or two. While drinking hot toddies, we'll ponder the wadis, promoting our own points of view. 7. Is it complex response or climatic nuance, or grazing by large flocks of sheep? We'll hear proclamations and learned orations--My god, how the bullshit runs deep! (Retirement of Brainerd Mears Jr., 1989) 8. Now our mentor Nip has got a firm grip on wedges which criss-cross the land. He slogs through the pipelines and conjures up cold times, arm-waving with stogey in hand 9. Now Mears is retiring, an upstart they're hiring, it's the end of an epoch you see. This geomorph sage of structure, process, and stage, The William Morris Davis....G.K. Gilbert...Albrecht Penck...S.H. Knight...and J.D. Love... of the Quaternary. It Was A Very Good Year By Alan Gillespie and Marith Reheis, on the occasion of R.M. Burke's birthday, Alabama Hills, 1994 When I was twenty-two, it was a very good year, I drank some very good beer and then enlisted to avoid the war. I drank some more, and then I swore that I would drink no more. When I was twenty-six, it was a very good year, It was a very good year to dig soil pits and play with dirt. My back did hurt, my arms got sore, and then I dug some more. When I was thirty-three, it was a very good year, It was a very good year to lead a FOP and drink till I dropped. I became a doc, it was crock, I went to Menlo Pock. When I was thirty-eight, I was at Humboldt State, I was at Humboldt State, I held the chair, a real nightmare-- The Dean wasn't fair, I didn't care, 'cause I got hitched that year. And now I'm forty-eight, I'm in the autumn of my years, I drink much less-- except tonight when I'll get tight. But I feel blessed, I still take requests..... (segue to Swing Low, Sweet Chariot) If I Had A Hammer By Lori Dengler, during the HSU Field Valley, 1994 If I had a hammer, I'd hammer in the morning, I'd hammer in the evening, all over this land. I'd hammer out P-waves, I'd hammer out air waves, I'd hammer out the zone between the bedrock and the soil, All, all over this land. If I had electrodes, I'd juice them in the morning, I'd juice them in the evening, all over this land. I'd measure out a current, I'd measure out a voltage, Electrical resistance, of every little stratum, All, all over this land. With a magnetometer, I'd measure out the gammas, I'd measure out the gammas, all over this land. I'd use good batteries, I'd strip off all my clothes, So my data won't be tainted And the numbers integrated, All, all over this land. Well I've got a hammer, and I've got electrodes And a magnetometer, to study this land. Black boxes I will use, I'll spin their little dials, And I'll get all the answers, without a pit or an auger, All, all over this land. Fault-Scarp Ridin' Cowboy By Marith Reheis for Bill Page at the 1995 Pacific FOP (Modoc Plateau) To the tune of Palo Alto Cowboy by Reilly and Maloney Chorus Well he's a fault-scarp ridin' cowboy, He drives the Tahoe trench From the lava tubes of Modoc To the flows up on the Hat Creek bench To the trench in Butt Crack Valley, He herds us all along. Though the crops are few and far between, His tectonic views are strong. From the moment that Bill Handed us those five-pound color guides, We could see from the daily schedule, We were in for quite a ride. There were panoramic overviews Of pristine mountain peaks. There were lengthy naptime lectures By pmag and argon geeks. Up at five, barely alive, No sun to light our way-- Good practice for those lava caves But no time to delay. We sucked up all the silicosis That our lungs could take. We hollered "Bill, this is a drag, Your schedule has no break!" Chorus On The Playa By Janet Sowers, Bob Hale, and Mark Hemphill-Haley for the Pacific FOP, Lake Lahontan, 1997 To the tune of Jambalaya Chorus Wavecut fan, high lake stand, me-oh-my-ya, And tonight well sing around the old campfi-ya, Carson Sink, where we drink and frisbees fly-a, Son-of-a-gun, gonna have good fun on the playa. Residual plots, circular thoughts make us sigh-ya, And we search for shorelines perched as we drive by-a, Yes its true, its all new, theres one high-ya, But son-of-a-gun, gonna have good fun on the playa. Yes we found, it rebounds, I-so-sta-ya, Up and down, pound for pound, cant deny-a; On that note, take a vote, and say good-by-a, Son-of-a-gun, we had good fun on the playa! The Ballad Of Owens Lake Copyright July 1991 by Tom Gill; sung at 1997 Owens Valley FOP To the tune of Margaritaville 1. Out on the dry lake watching the sun bake millions of tons of salt-covered dirt Particulate readings are reaching their ceilings my nose is bleeding, my sinuses hurt Blowing away again from Owens Lake today Billowing clouds of alkali salt Some people claim that theres no one to blame But I thinkit must be someones fault 2. The local folks get sick and worry bout arsenic The geezers in Keeler, they wheeze and they whine China Lakes missiles go off-track and fizzle Pollution could damage the bristlecone pines Blowing away again from Owens Lake today Millions of tons of evaporite salt Someone might claim that the climates to blame But I thinkit could be LAs fault 3. We put up a tower run with solar power Satellite uplink sends data back home Well, theres dust in the samples and well soon get some answers From SENSITs deployed in the saltation zone Blowing away today from Owens Lake again Millions of tons of silt and of salt. Some people claim that theres no one to blame But I knowit must be LAs fault. 4. Now we could plant saltgrass and hope that it grows fast And roughen the surface with gravel or till Or fence up some sand dunes and pray for the monsoons Not even a typhoon would make the lake fill Blowing away today from Owens Lake again Billowing clouds of dust and of salt Some lawyers may claim that theres no one to blame But we knowits LAs damn fault! Zzyzx Black Ops By Alan Gillespie and Marith Reheis Workshop on Military Use of Desert Lands, Zzyzx, 1998 To the tune When the Caissons Go Rolling Along Over hill, over dale, Tanks are making dusty trails And the wind takes the Av away Abrams wheel, half-tracks squeal, How do desert critters feel As their burrows are flattened today? Chorus Well its crypto-Gs For soil fertility Liverworts and mosses we eschew And wherever we go Soils will always show Hydrologic discontinuities. Rip some soil, set some plants Stroke the Army for some grants But machines do the thinking today. CPUs, RAM, virtual data we put in As the models keep churning away. Boundary Cs if you please Bring computers to their knees As the models diverge from ideal Write and plot, publish lots, Hope that we are not found out As we sub the virtual for real. Last Chorus Well its hi-hi-hee Cal Tech and MIT Why should we go in the field? If we do it right And the simulations tight Then we wont have to know what is real. Blowin In The Wind By Marith Reheis Fourth International Conference on Aeolian 鶹, Oxford, 1998 How many times can a barchan Be moved before she sleeps in the sand? How many dunes must a man walk up Before he conceives a research plan? Yes, and how many days must we spend in the field Before we develop a tan? The answers, my friends, are blowin in the wind The answers are blowin in the wind How many ways can some people invent For quartz grains to luminesce? How many ways can one person try To make stupid sand confess? Yes, and how can we blame innocent little bunnies As causes of climatic stress? The answers, my friends, are blowin in the wind The answers are blowin in the wind How many models must one study use To show there is something to prove? How many differentials are needed to show That wind can make dust move? Yes, and how many methods to understand That loess means that wind once blew? The answers, my friends, are blowin in the wind The answers are blowin in the wind. How many storms in West Texas can blow Until nothings left but sand? How much dust can one person inhale Before her lungs can be canned? Yes, and how many TWERPs does it take to know That tilling the soil should be banned? The answers, my friends, are blowin in the wind The answers are blowin in the wind. Nora By Joanna Redwine and Marith Reheis, Owens Valley 1997 FOP To the tune of Lola We came to the desert to drive a little sand Collect a little dust and work on a tan Then came Nora N-O-R-A, Nora. She came from the south down in Mexico And how long shell stay here, nobody knows Thats Nora N-O-R-A, Nora No-no-no-no Nora. Well Id never seen a hurricane before But here in the desert its just a downpour Noras here and theres no mistake The entire desert is one big lake! El Nios comin to make a big splash So we set up some stations to photograph All the flora F-L-O-R-A, flora. But long before El Nio shows his face Flowers gonna bloom all over the place Cause of Nora N-O-R-A, Nora No-no-no-no Nora We sloshed down the fans and made it to the car Headed for the FOP at Lone Pine, not far But the Park Service said the pass is closed We ran the blockade and drove the Wild Rose! Now Im not the worlds most intelligent guy But this time of year the desert should be dry Dontcha know-a Know-know-know-know-know-a Ive never been wetter in all my days Its a soupy, soaked-down, soggy place Around Nora, N-O-R-A Nora, no-no-no-no more-a, No-no-no-no Nora I cant take no more-a No-no-no-no Nora! The Aku Song By Kevin Andras and Marith Reheis, for Fred Peterson on 1998 Pacific FOP to Yucca Mountain 1. Everyone's spirit has place to dwell. Aku-aku-ah-nay. Come too near, you go to hell. Chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. Talkin' 'bout aku, aku, aku-aku-ah-nay. Chaca-mo fee-no, ah-nah-nay, chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. Talkin bout aku, aku, aku-aku-ah nay. Chaca-mo fee-no, ah-nah-nay, chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. 2. Aku here and aku there, aku-aku-ah-nay. Aku it be everywhere, chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. Talkin bout aku, aku, aku-aku-ah nay. Chaca-mo fee-no, ah-nah-nay, chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. 3. See that soil pit over there? Aku-aku-ah-nay. Touch it, aku take your hair. Aku-aku-ah-nay. Talkin bout soil pit, soil pit, aku-aku-ah nay. Chaca-mo fee-no, ah-nah-nay, chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. 4. See that pavement just ahead? Aku-aku-ah-nay. Step on it and you be dead. Aku-aku-ah-nay. Talkin bout pavement, pavement, aku-aku-ah nay. Chaca-mo fee-no, ah-nah-nay, chaca-mo-fee-nah-nay. Roll on Missoula By Thomas Dunklin First Annual Pacific Northwest Cell of The Friends of the Pleistocene Channeled Scablands, 1993, led by Richard Waitt and Jim OConnor (Sung to the Tune of Roll on, Columbia by Woody Guthrie) G D / D G / G C / D G J. Harlan Bretz, a determined young man Studied the forms of this puzzling land, His evidence showed him INVARIABLY, That scablands were formed by cat-astrophe. chorus (sing-along): Roll on Missoula roll on Roll on Missoula roll on Youve got just two days until youll be gone So, roll on Missoula roll on. A plexus of channels they gave him a clue Of what catastrophic flooding could do. He saw the big picture, though he never flew If you were in his shoes, then what would you do chorus They riduculed his outrageous hypotheses The council of elders he never could please But the elders knew nothing of features like these The papers he wrote brought them to their knees chorus Now Waitt and OConnor they spent lots of time Preparing for FOPers to drive in long lines Now no-one will question their hypotheses Of Uniformitarian Catastrophes. Old and Blown Away - song for the Bishop Tuff Sung to the Tune : Old and In the Way by Garcia/Grisman, from the Album of the same name. Lyrics by Thomas Dunklin, Rocco Fiori, and Natalie Cabrera, January, 1996 CHORUS: Old and blown away C - D - Thats what I heard him say G - C - So many cubic miles Am - C - Just up and blew away C - G - Welded tuffs and ash flows lay C - D - Then glaciers had their day G - C - The tills are all a-jumbled Am - C - But in a systematic way C - G - I. When this one blew, poles were normal D - G - Bruhnes/Matayuma was defined C - G - D - I dont care what people say C - - - How old these rocks are anyway G - Em Cause Allen Gillespie says Am - C - theyre seven hundred and sixty three K C - G - CHORUS 2. Now all thats left is the caldera The Bishop tuff surrounds it for a ways The Sherwin Till is buried deep Thru clastic dikes the air it seeks (maybe not) How exactly we cant say Were just stoned and blown away CHORUS 3. Well if the Mountain starts to rumble Well dont you worry bout a thing The Survey says its on it way The City Chamber says no way Just in case you better know about the scene-less scenic highway Repeat CHORUS one last time The Climate Is A-changin' Words by Thomas Dunklin Sung to "The times they are a-changin" by Bob Dylan (1963) Come gather round people wherever you roam And admit that the waters around you have grown. Watchout, for transgression may swallow your home, For sea level just keeps on a-risin' So you better stop buildin' in the old coastal zone For the climate it is a-changin'. The glaciers have come and then they have gone. Over thousands of years, yes, their cycles are long. As the climate gets cooler, more rain it will fall The rivers run deeper with sand, mud and all The shoreline receeds and sea level does fall For the climate it is a changin'. Climatologists, geologists who wander the lands: Now tell us the truth if you think that you can. Can the things that you see make sense to a man? Are they just too complex to keep tryin'? If they don't listen soon they'll be dead as canned spam, For the climate it is a changin'. Dynamic equilibrium is a thing of past, The next threshold's comin' along awfully fast. We better stop thinking, and start doin' at last If your papers to you are worth writin' Complex response will keep kickin' our ass For the climate it is a changin'. Come senators, congressmen please heed the call: The greenhouse effect is now real to us all, As the ozone hole gets larger each fall The burns from the sun are a killin'. Please open your ears, pull your heads from sand For the climate it is a changin'. FOP on the Run Words by Thomas Dunklin and Zack Mondry, for 1998 Yucca Mountain FOP To the tune Fox on the Run. Chords: D Am C G (4x) D - G - (2x) We drove thru the dust, heading out to the ballena Our heads were a-poundin in the hot morning sun Taking all the soils that ole Fred could a-give us And he left us to fry like a FOP in the sun Like a FOP in the sun Like a FOP on the Run Uranium series or uranium trend It dont really matter -- fits the model in the end Lots and lots of numbers, and lots and lots of dates lots of uncertainty, but that just what it takes - to run a FOP in the sun Like a FOP on the Run Two parts charcoal, and a little bit rock varnish Just dont get caught, or your rep will get a-tarnished Your career it will fly, like cosmic rays to the sun And youll find yourself like a Doc on the Run Like a Doc in the sun Like a Doc on the run Yeah, We drove thru the dust, heading out to the ballena Our heads were a-poundin in the hot morning sun Taking all the soils that ole Fred could a-give us And he left us to fry like a FOP in the sun Like a FOP in the sun Like a FOP on the Run Fish Medley By Marith Reheis, for 1999 Pacific FOP to McDermitt and Alvord Valley, NV-OR Medley of tunes: Three Little Fishies (1st tune) and Fish Gotta Swim (2nd tune) Three grad students and professors two, Came to the Alvord from HSU, Mapping shores and soils and where faults broke, Try to write it all up, drink beer, and smoke. Boom-boom diddum-daddum waddum shoo, (repeat twice more) Try to write it all up, drink beer and smoke. (shift to second tune) Grads gotta work, grads gotta play, Sitting in hot springs the livelong day, Can't help lovin' that Humboldt way. Three big faults, what do they mean? The Quinn and the Tule and the whoppin' Steens, Is it gravity collapse or dextral shear? With kinematic modeling, all is so clear. Boom-boom etc. With kinematic modeling, all is so clear. Faults gotta break, crust gotta strain, Make basins closed that never drain, Fish gotta wait for the major pluvial rains. A dace and a chub and a cutthroat too, Down in Owyhee when a flood came through, Swim, said the chub, let's go explore And they swam Crooked Creek right up to Alvord. Boom-boom etc. And they swam Crooked Creek right up to Alvord. Fish gotta swim, fish eggs don't fly, Cruise between lakes before they dry, Hide up creeks, or desiccate and fry. Grads gotta work, grads gotta play, Sitting in hot springs the livelong day, Can't help lovin' that Humboldt way. Can't help lovin' that Humboldt way. Can't help lovin' that Humboldt way. IF I HAD A BACKHOE Written by Jennifer Harden, probably 1986 at Zzyzx 1. If I had a backhoe, Id dig in the morning, Id dig in the evening all over this land. Id dig out lava flows, Id dig out end moraines, Id dig out the contact between the Bt and Bkq All, all over this land. 2. If I had a student, Id run all analyses From Fed to Mausbauer, all over this land. Id sample just scores of soils from surfaces young to old, At intervals of centimeters for microprobe and paleomag, All, all over this land. 3. Now I have a strong back, a shovel and a pick, And I have holes to dig all over this land. Ill make slow progress, run only prep and size, But Ill keep on dreaming of backhoes, bucks and student labor All, all over this land. DEATH VALLEY DREAMIN By Marith Reheis, Feb. 2001, Pacific FOP, Death Valley Tune: California Dreamin by the Mamas and Papas 1. All the mud is brown, and the salt is gray, I went for a walk across the playa today. Should be drinkin beer and watchin palm trees sway, Death Valley dreamin on such a winters day. 2. Waded through a lake that lay across the way, Lord, I sank up to my knees, and I began to pray, You know Im stuck here in the salt, please dont send rain today! Death Valley dreamin on such a winters day. 3. Theres scarps at Mormon Point, so most geologists say, If we werent the best of Friends, thered be hell to pay. Its not a fault, its a beach, as any fool can see. Death Valley dreamin Pleistocene geology. 4. Slept upon a fault near Furnace Creek last night, Well the earth began to shake, I had a terrible fright. Strain accommodation on several intersecting splays, Death Valley dreamin could be a nightmare today! Repeat 1. All the mud is brown, and the salt is gray, I went for a walk across the playa today. Should be drinkin beer and watchin palm trees sway, Death Valley dreamin on such a winters day. OSTRACODES GARDEN By Marith Reheis, September 2001, Pacific Northwest FOP, Summer Lake, Oregon Tune: Octopuss Garden by the Beatles 1. Id like to play under a wave in an ostracodes garden in a lake, Id dance about when ash falls out, turn somersaults in a big earthquake. I could ride down the gravity grade, if I only knew which way to go, Im so confused, it makes me blue, because I thought FOP leaders would know. 2. When landslides come, Id turn and run, itll shoot me cross the bottom, anyway, Ill laugh and shout, turn inside out, as thrusting folds the beds in which I lay. Ill deform so brittlely now as extension makes the mud attenuate, So just you wait, lets fill the lake, and see if ostracodes can boudinate. 3. And dont you guess, well make a mess of the climatic proxies that you take? Stage 12 and 8 are replicates, doubled by the thrusts under the lake.l Dansgard-Oeschger cycles we will fake, in our little hideaway beneath the waves, Id like to wait under a lake in an ostracodes garden for you, In an ostracodes garden for you, In an ostracodes garden for you. DIXIE By: Marith Reheis, September 2002, Pacific FOP, Dixie Valley, Nevada Tune: Dixie, of course 1. Oh I wish I was in the Land of Faultin, earthquakes there are not forgotten, Shook away, shook away, shook away, Dixie Land. In Dixie Land where scarps were born in, early on one frosty mornin, Slip away, slip away, slip away, Dixie Land. Chorus: And I wish Id been in Dixie, that day, that day, In Dixie Land where piedmont fans were broke that day in Dixie. That day, that day, that day out west in Dixie! We pray today, we pray for quakes in Dixie! 2. Oh I wish Id been on Rainbow Mountain, earthquakes came to fast to count em, Shook away, shook away, shook away, Carson Sink. Tsunami waves on Lake Lahontan, beach rocks rolled up Rainbow Mountain, Slip away, slip away, slip away, Carson Sink. Chorus: And I wish Id been in Dixie, that day, that day, In Dixie Land where piedmont fans were broke that day in Dixie. That day, that day, that day out west in Dixie! Hurray, hurray, hurray for Friends in Dixie! Draft (needs more work!) By: Marith Reheis, begun in 1983, AGFG, Chaco Canyon, New Mexico Tune: Dark as a Dungeon 1. Come and listen, young people, so bright and so fit, And seek not your fortune by digging soil pits. It will structure your habits and color your work Till the stream of your blood runs as brown as the dirt. Where the soil is argillic but the clay skins are few, If the Bs are pre-Sangamon but the carbonate is new, When field work and lab data dont really fit Then its easy to blow it way down in the pit.  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